Phase 3 with a smile

Okay, so the smile part is kind of a lie, but I’m trying really hard.

Do I feel like a total failure? Yeah, to be perfectly honest, I do. One of my largest problems is that I compare myself against other people. I’ve always done it, have tried not to, but it’s inevitable. Talking to patients all day who are making follow-up appointments and hearing their massive success–it’s disheartening. I have not lost 23 pounds in 23 days. It simply has not happened. Have I lost weight? Yes, I have. Do I feel healthier? Yes, I do. But it’s so hard for me to focus on those facts when I think about what could (should?) have been my reality. I’m still looking forward to my 2nd cycle, but I’m frustrated. It feels like every other time I’ve tried to lose weight. I simply can not do it. Not long term, keep off the weight, keep pushing when things don’t look like they’re working,

I say all this now. Deep down inside me I’m not giving up–tomorrow I’ll still be going, but I’m very demoralized and disappointed. On top of being stressed out and overwhelmed with everything else going on, it does not make for a good state of mind.

Third phase starts on Tuesday. It’s 3 weeks of no sugar, no starch. Basically, it’s first phase of South Beach, just for a longer period of time. The point of this phase is to re-establish your set weight–that weight your body is comfortable at. The reason so many dieters gain weight back is that they’re body still has its old set weight. By monitoring your weight fluctuations over this 3 week period (not letting your weight go up more than 2.1 pounds) you can reestablish your set weight and thereby keep the weight off. Well… I’m going to be doing this kind of with a different mindset–I’m still trying to lose pounds. Since I didn’t lose what I wanted to, and I really really really don’t want to disappoint anyone else, I’m going to do everything I can to just lose more. I’m going to be out of town and at other people’s houses so it’s kind of hard to be as vigilant at monitoring things… Especially because I can’t really take my own scale with me, so I’ll just do my best. I’m trying very hard not to look at this cycle as a bust. I keep going back and reading what I wrote a week ago and keeping the right perspective. My brain always gets the best of me.

A Different Kind of Progress…

So, I’m thinking that this process (at least this first cycle) is all about my mentality vs weight loss.

I went through sooooo much last year that even though I haven’t lost as much weight as I’ve wanted to (although, it’s not over, yet–there’s still hope) this diet has been more about breaking mindsets and completing my healing. I have had so much manifest as I’ve been starving and miserable, and it’s really forced me to deal with some stuff. I know that next cycle will be be easier for me, and I want to say more successful, but if I really think about it this one has been successful in other ways. So, I can be disappointed in the natural, I can look at the spiritual and see what’s really going on, and be thankful about it. Don’t get me wrong… I have lost some weight, I’ve lost inches, and my whole family is eating SO much healthier. This has been a great step in our overall health, and like I said, the next go around–sometime in February–will be that much easier.

Hungry and miserable, but it’s working.

Down 8 pounds. I have a headache, my tummy hates me, I’m sooooo unsatisfied, and I simply want to cry. I know it’s worth it, I know it’s working, but I’m not having a good time. I think if someone just said “You can eat whatever you want”, I’d feel better–not that I really want to eat a lot, it’s just my head getting in the way. Seriously though, isn’t that always the case with me?